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It's a subject that needs to be brought into the light. Men do it. Women do it. Some should do it more...or less. Sometimes it's spoken about in passing. Sometimes we talk about it amongst each other. The time has come to open up and tell it like it is. It's grooming. I'm not going to cover basic cleanliness, showering and the like. If you don't do that, you're not reading this anyway. Some of these things have long been a mystery and should. Some have been a mystery and it could be they should remain so. Get over it.
Eyebrows: Puzzling right? Women spend so much time plucking and waxing to get the 'perfectly' shaped brow and perish the stray hair. Then use a pencil to fill them in. I know, crazy huh? Some women shave or remove the brow ENTIRELY and then draw the whole thing in. I guess to they can be artistic and create a brow that suits their mood. Actresses in the 30's and 40's did this. Some cultures do this. Do we need to do this? Sounds a little labor intensive. Or redundant. Or something. As I get older I find that mine are thinning. Thinning?! Why can't the hair on my legs thin? More on that later.
And guys. Eyebrow grooming isn't just for girls anymore. The unibrow went out with cro-magnon man, but then he didn't have tweezers. There should be a gap between the eyebrows...plural. Clean it up a bit. By the way if you can comb or style them, they need to be trimmed. Enough said.
Facial Hair: Everybody has it. Yes, I said everybody. I have heard a gazillion (give or take) men complain about shaving everyday. STFU. Shave your legs. Have a beard or moustache? Keep it neat, keep it clean and groom it. If you have a splayed bristle brush on your lip, well...not so much. And Grizzly Adams was cancelled. Why? Because of his beard. There are myriad tools on the market to tame the savage beast. Invest. While you're at it, pick up that handy tool that will ream out the nose and ear hair. There is nothing sexier than a man that looks like he has a small rodent hiding in his nostrils. Hubba, hubba.
Don't think you are alone. You mock women with a 'moustache'. Really? Try menopause, hormones, thyroid or bad damn genes. Wiry chin hairs. Sideburns. Lip hair. And they appear out of NOWHERE! One day all clear. Next morning, BAM! Lest I forge, wild nipple hairs, fu..pluck that. It's a beautiful thing. There's a multi-million dollar market aimed at hair removal for women. Tell that to your Italian grandmother.
Fingers and Toes: Another industry making money hand over fist. (Couldn't resist.) From lotions to acrylic, a fortune is spent by women to keep those fingernails looking good. Not all women certainly. Short, clean nails are great. That said, jagged broken nails with a crescent of grime under them is...gross. Um, let me shake your hand. It's not good on ANYONE. Gentlemen, women notice this. Seriously.
Some men like long, sexy fingernails but I hear more men talk about feet. A person can actually get fake nails on their toes! That's having too much time on your...hands? The main thing for everyone, clean. Having a pedicure is relaxing, you don't have to go to a spa. Healthy feet are important. Dirty jungle feet. Well. I have seen heels that could be used to sand furniture, and again this goes for the guys too. You won't lose your 'man card' if you trim your nails and use some damn lotion once in awhile. (That doesn't mean gnawing them off. Don't ask how I know.) I saw a guy yesterday who should have been arrested for wearing flip flops. His toenails were a deadly weapon. If you weren't at least inspired to vomit, he could cut you. I kid you not.
Leg Shaving: Gack! As previously mentioned, when men complain about shaving their face everyday I want to...well they should shave their legs everyday for a week. Please. Just think about the surface area. The curves, angles, the contortions. You get the picture. Here's a hint: If you notice that your lady has rendered her gams into a state of sexy, silky smoothness, say so. Appreciate it. If you notice stubble or roughness. Keep it to yourself. Your (sex) life may depend on it. You have hairy legs (the majority of you) start nagging about ours and we might revolt and go all European on your asses.
The Other Things: There is a lot of grooming going on in the nether regions. The Brazilians are a twisted people. I know many, many people have this procedure done to one degree or another. All in an effort to make the 'area' aesthetically pleasing. And to wear a string that goes up your ass and walk on the beach. The idea of wax being applied from stem to stern and the hair being ripped out just doesn't appeal. (Although some places offer what's called 'Scream Cream' before waxing to numb the area. Pffft.) Yeah, I'll go hang out with the toenail guy. Speaking of that, the guys do it too. Somehow that idea makes me more nauseous than women having it done. A little trimming and grooming is one thing. S&M is another. But that's just me.
As an aside, a new trend in the realm of grooming and sex appeal...Vajazzling. Yep. If you have money to burn and want to feel sexy (?) this is for you. You can now decorate your vagina and southward with rhinestones and Swarovski crystals. I know! After the aforementioned waxing you can have jewels applied regionally for that sexy sparkle your man is going to LOVE! God knows he would have nothing to do with you if there wasn't the possibility of getting the imprint of hearts and flowers on his...himself. They stay glued on for up to 5 days. What a deal!
